Relationships & Love
Importance of good communication in a relationship
Not being "in love" with friends and co-workers doesn't mean we can't have great heart-felt communication that comes with them. It's that heart felt feeling that triggers non-judgement and understanding when they are seeking forgiveness. This feeling triggered by something from our past when they say something we do not like in a meeting.
Then there is the love we get the opportunity to express when we are in "relationship" with someone like our significant other-half or a family member and perhaps a dear friend. In that case, communication is just as important and often we neglect to treat that communication with the same care as we do at work.
Effective communication is focused on just being present with no malice or violence present in the heart. It is based on deep listening before speaking. It is also based the I vs. You conversation.
People say the basis for a good relationship is trust. But I think it’s based on knowing how, what and when to discuss your concerns with your partner.
Arguments between couples are nothing new in relationships. In fact, most relationships face this challenge every week. This is why the approach or choice of words during communication in a relationship and arguments matters a lot.
One of the common mistakes people make is using the “You statement”.
What is a You-statement?
These are statements that starts with the word “you” and it implies that the listener is responsible for the problem at hand. It shows that you are not ready to own emotions but instead want to blame, accuse and assume the receiver. Statements like this makes your partner defensive and resentful, making he/she not want to make peace.
Examples of statements like this include:
“You are too careless. You have broken every plate in the house.”
“You are always working. Work is more important to you than your family.”
To have a good communication during arguments, it is important to avoid the “You-statement” and make use of the “I- statement instead.”
What is the I statement?
The “I-statement” makes you take responsibility for the situation on ground. It helps us to prevent ourselves from putting the blame on our partners. The “I-statement” creates an assertive, but less hostile and more compassionate way to communicate.
Some examples of the “I-statement” includes:
“I am sorry about that; I should have been more careful.”
“When you don’t pick up the phone, I feel nervous.”
So, how do you create the “I-Statement”?
To convert the “You- statements” into “I statements”, you must understand that the “I statement” is used to express how you feel. Therefore, the “I-statement” makes use of emotions such as feel, anxious, angry, lonely, and more.
The right choice of words goes a long way in keeping a good relationship as some things we say lasts longer in the minds of our partners and this, in the long run, affects their feelings towards us.